Alan
This is long overdue, and it’s about time we set the record straight on many issues. So let’s do this.
First of all, while it’s true you still feel like you’re 25 there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Age is a number, and you are only as old as you THINK you are. Just because you may be older, doesn’t mean you have to act and think like it.
The human spirit is hard to define, and while you are far from having a good grasp on yours in terms of knowing it, actions do far more to define that spirit than words. So keep in mind no one else knows your spirit better than you. Personality, and all the other traits that go along with that do not define spirit. Behaviors yes, just not spirit.
It’s about time you face the fact that you have yet to maximize your many talents, and you have been blessed with more than the average person. There is nothing average about you, yet much time has been wasted thinking about what to do rather than just doing it.
Nearly anything you have ever WANTED to do you have done. Sometimes it’s difficult to distinguish between something you really want to do, and something you only THINK you want. Whatever you have ever set your mind to, has been done. Right now, you have stopped short of deciding what’s next.
Let’s get past the so called “period of adjustment” that you have gone through, and begin doing instead of just thinking. While you have no need of a “job” someplace, even if it’s volunteering, staying active and stimulating those brains cells of yours is necessary. Use ‘em or you may loose ‘em!
Over the last decade you have become quite cynical, and not the positive minded person you pretend or want to be. While you know all the ways and talk of someone positive, with the head knowledge, you have allowed yourself to gravitate in the wrong direction. Being cynical is a choice, and so is being positive. One can be as much a habit as the other. You know how habits are formed and addictions broken, so you know what has to be done.
Most importantly, your relationship with your wife. There have been tremendous stresses with retirement, moves, loss of a father, leaving behind sons and grandchildren, which have had a huge effect on her state of mind and health. In your heart you know that while you have been supportive, it has not been enough.
She looks to you as her “rock,” and there has been more gravel than rock! While it’s true some of her health issues have been beyond your control, the stress issues are dead in your lap! You and you alone can make tremendous headway in reducing those things that are stressful for her, such as your driving.
Being contentious and defensive is reverting back to those self esteem issues from the past, that you know full well are rooted in ego. Face it, and deal with it again.
These are daily issues and not just once in a lifetime. Ego hangs around everyday, looking for ways to build those illusions that keep you out of the present and in the past, or maybe even “Never Never Land!” Being aware is where you need to be again.
I’m glad we had this communication as it was way past time. I’ll make certain you don’t ignore me for so long again by intruding on your thoughts sooner!
Bye for now
Your Conscious
